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Francis M died on March 6, 2009; 12:00 noon due to acute myelogenous leukemia.
Will miss you idol!
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Page Summary
March 2009
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Happy Holidays everyone... May we all have a blessed holiday season with our family. God Bless! I was checking my drafts in my outlook and found this blog, which I totally forgot about. This was 3 mos. ago and yet I can still feel pain when I read it, remembering the time when I almost gave up, the time when I stop believing that there’s something special out of an ordinary and the time that I choose to grip harder instead of just letting it go. So, I decided to post it, to have something to look back at, hoping that the next time I get to read this again there’ll be no more hurting. There are so many things in my mind, so many things I wanted to ask. But how come I can’t utter the words? How many times you’ve said you love me, and yet there are still memories of yesterday left with you, memories you cannot seem to let go. It’s just hard for me to believe everything that’s has been said, it’s like getting into me. Everything seems to be just a make believe. Tell me where to stand, tell me not to expect and tell me not to hope…. For I always believe in everything you said, but eventually get frustrated when I realize that those were just lies, sugar coated words, lovely in the ears but painful inside. How can I fully understand the situation I am into, how will I believe you that I am your life? How can I stop hurting? -/07022008/ Once in awhile, we wanted to feel needed, no matter how crucial the situation is and no matter if we know in our heart that there's nothing we can do to help. The thought that this certain person needs us in their life is something that will make us a part of one's existence. But how come there are people that no matter how much we'd tried, they choose to be alone, they choose to carry the burden themselves? Is letting someone help you makes you a weaker or a lesser person? Having someone to help you is better than asking for someone to give it to you, right? Knowing that inspite of all the difficulties in your life, there's someone who's willing to share the burdens you're carrying. Why push them away? Why shut them out of your life? Is helping means meddling with your life?
/10082008/ I realized that life should not always be focused on one single thing, like love. I realized that there’s still life outside a relationship. That one should not focus and base their happiness in just the relationship itself. One should find time to explore, to enjoy life in doing something else than watching your relationship die. Learn to love ones self, appreciate and be thankful that for once we were given the opportunity to be alive. I just had this urge of sharing or should I say venting out what had happened this past 2 months of my tattered life, sheesh….? June - the month I hated most, no time to be together, busy with what? I dunno. And finally that hate month was over, hoping that the next one will be better than the other. July came, the irony of expecting too much of a good thing to happen, always failed to happen, this month seems to be more painful that the other, I expected better right? See, this month I experienced to be ditched, received hurtful words (ever said to me ouch!), discover hurtful stuffs, and being in this thin line between giving up and holding on... but I choose to grip harder (loving pain? – Yes). Paranoia kills, yes, I know that. Been there and I guess I’m stuck with it. But of course I have my reasons, I believe that a person's paranoia depends on the things being showed to him/her, I mean if you see stuffs that should not be there a long time ago or if someone still treats someone special inspite of the FACT that this special someone caused him/her so much pain. So much pain that he/she almost gave up his/her life. This is one big reason to be paranoid, right? Because if you really is ready and already moved on then all of the memories from the past that reminds you of all the pain and hatreds should be removed, trashed or safely kept. Because you don’t want those reminders to hunt you, right? Everything that’s happening had happened and will happen in the near future will all depend on how we run our lives. Now I believe that happiness is a choice, why? Because we're the only one who can decide if we wanted to remain in this box of yesterday, full of regrets or go out and appreciate the things around you positively. Moving on doesn't happen over night, but it doesn't also mean that it should take forever to happen. Moving on starts with understanding, you need to understand that some things really don’t last forever, then acceptance, accepting the fact that not all things can always work out no matter how hard you strived for it, then forgiveness, forgive the person who caused you pain, and forgive yourself as well. Then let go, let go of all the hatred in your heart, let go of yourself from this loneliness, let go of yourself from regrets. You had your chance, if it did not work out the 1st time, what gave you the idea it will work the next time? Then Love again, love again not because you've been hurt, love again because you wanted to, because you wanted to be happy again, love again because you still can. Never love again to cover the pain from the past, love because you’re ready again, to love and be loved in return. Never use pain as a reason to love again, otherwise you and your present partner will suffer. Suffer from the fact that you entertained the thought of having someone just for the sake of moving on. Move on alone, because its you and you alone can only tell when your ready. We had this certain bonding, the afternoon chats, where in we talked about our days work in the office, sharing of family problems, new movies to watch, new book of interest. What to buy incase we have extra, how to pay a certain bill. We talked about everything, except us. But venting out with each other helps a lot. Remember when we used to talk about annoying people at work? The way you hate them for me… its funny. And I remember when we bought new books, you read yours and I read mine, then when its time to trade books, I’m not yet done (I’m such a slow reader) and will just give you my book instead, for I know you’ll finish it right away. I miss you singing over the telephone, imagining you holding your lyrics in your hand, you’re crazy in your own little ways, but it made me smile. Never did I notice that we had so many things in common, things that was overlooked when we were still in the relationship. But like what I always tell you, we can always be friends and I miss you for being one. I don’t miss the relationship, but instead I miss the company itself. Hey, I miss the friend in you….  Almost 4 years with Elnk, started when I was a Customer Care representative, then was included to the 1st batch of escalation agents and luckily was promoted as COSS. I was able to meet a lot of people, some of them became my friends, some hate me (i'm sure of that). I just want to say, thank you for making my Elnk stay worth remembering, the  inumans, party or the simple chikahan that we had, not to mention the 8th floor sessions. It was fun, my friends or should i say family here (in elnk) were my motivators, for me to keep on going, made me laugh everytime that i am sad. Who's there when i need comfort or just simply there for me. Thank you... we're just 2 floors away so visit me sometimes. For some who already x sfered to a diff company, ei keep in touch. It does not end here, so no farewells, no good byes, just see you around... But i'll surely gonna miss you all. Have you ever experience the feeling of emptiness? It’s like having everything and yet it seems nothing. Why am I saying this? Because I am in the middle of a crisis, I feel empty most of the time, or maybe this is not emptiness, maybe this is just what we called unmet expectations. Some said expectations ruin the relationship. I say somehow it’s true. Why? Because the more you expect the more you find reasons, explanations, answers to certain things your partner cannot give. Or maybe, that happens when we start expecting too much, maybe they should say TOO MUCH expectation ruin the relationship? Hmmm, either way its expectation or too much expectation, I still feel empty. See, I had this failed relationship, why was it called failed relationship? Simply because it did not work out the way we wanted, so it was ended, after a year and 3 months of being together. But for the record, I have no regrets with the relationship and with the person involve, simply because I’ve learned something in it, from it and with it. But having another failed relationship sometimes makes me wonder, was it because I love too much that I’m expecting the same thing in return? And so it ends. In every ending, there’s a new beginning. So, here I am, starting a new life, a new relationship, and should I say a new set of expectations? Is this another relationship to fail? I hope not, not this life time. I had too much and I’m starting to get tired for the same things that had been happening in my life. I want assurance, I wanted to be a part of someone’s life, and I don’t want to deal with someone’s past…. I’m too damn tired of it! I wanted something new, something different. Or just simply to be loved in return. I know that we can never expect someone to love us, the exact same way we love them, and I’m not, I never did. But to expect to be loved in return is but natural, right? So, what seems to be the problem? When will the emptiness comes in? Honestly, the emptiness is within me, no matter how much assurance I get, no matter how many I love you has been said, its empty. I want actions, gestures, sign of importance, sign of possessiveness, time to spend, togetherness, and not just words. I need someone to fill up this emptiness, someone who makes me feel special, and someone who loves back. Is the emptiness caused by expecting too much? Do I need to know or should I just simply need to be satisfied? I’m tired of begging… Let love be fair just this once. i was checking my multiply here in the mall since my PC is currently not working, for some freaking reason it just wont open, bitch!!! anyways, a cousin of my college friend sent me a forwarded message that says; " sumtyms u hav 2 stop lovin d most important person in ur lyf, nt bcoz the spark is gone, bt bcoz dt person is unintentionally makin u fil worthless..." hmmm, nothing much, i just thought of posting it.... ouch lang!
We will say Good Bye Year 2007, and we will welcome Year 2008, may we all have a good year this time, for all the troubles that we had, may we all let it past and start a new. For all the people that i caused pain, IM SORRY and for all the people who stood by me, THANK YOU for not leaving me. Let us all learn from our mistakes and take it as a lesson, embrace this new year with new hope, let us all expect less and work more, for when we expect too much we often get hurt. Stay away from all the things that give us trouble, stick with the things that gives us peace of mind. Happy New Year to all of us.... I was reading my old blogs, then there's this one post that caught my attention and thought about my friend, who's in the verge of ending her life just because of a failed (one way) relationship... others might think that its a stupid thing to do, just because of love, right? but i once got a text message from a friend that says "love is like drinking too much beer, because you do stupid things when you get drunk...." so true and so applicable for my friend. I feel her pain, since i know than when you're so in-love with someone, your judgement can always be clouded and there are times that you will never know the difference of loving from hurting... i guess its true, that too much love can kill you... emotionally! so, let me re-post something from my old blog... You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. ( < - -this one is for you friend, read and absorb!) How you deal with love is how you deal with yourself. All our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it nor to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. (<- - and this is for all the broken hearted - - - something to think about). To you my friend, stop for awhile, think twice, death is not a option and love is not an obligation - - - its as a gift! Remember what i told you, stop messing up your own life, fix yourself and show her your worth. You've been a lot of pain, let it rest, learn to let go.... You still got friends... you still got your family... just learn to appreciate what you have and stop reaching for something not meant for you. I was reading my old blogs, then there's this one post that caught my attention and thought about my friend, who's in the verge of ending her life just because of a failed (one way) relationship... others might think that its a stupid thing to do, just becuase of love, right? but i once got a text message from a friend that says "love is like drinking too much beer, because you do stupid things when you get drunk...." so true and so applicable for my friend. I feel her pain, since i know than when you're so in-love with someone, your judgement can always be clouded and there are times that you will never know the difference of loving from hurting... i guess its true, that too much love can kill you... emotionally! so, let me re-post something from my old blog... You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. ( < - -that one is for you friend, read and absorb!) How you deal with love is how you deal with yourself. All our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it nor to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. (<- - and this is for all the broken hearted - - - something to think about). So to you my friend, stop for awhile, think twice, death is not a option and love is not an obligation - - - its as a gift! Remember what i told you, stop messing up your own life, fix yourself and show her your worth. You've been a lot of pain, let it rest, learn to let go.... You still got friends... you still got your family... just learn to appreciate what you have and stop reaching for something not meant for you... You know how much I value those times when I get the chance to talk to you, because I know and you know that talking is one way to strengthen our bond. I understand that you are not the type of person who tells every little detail about yourself. I do not expect you to report about the things you did, or who did you hang out with, or what did you buy a couple of days ago. I also do not want to tell you what you're supposed to share with me because it is your life, and I do not want to put strings around your hands and start controlling you. It is perfectly fine with me if you want some silence, because some people want to be with themselves from time to time. But what I do not like, and will never, ever, tolerate, is that you completely shut me out of your life without even telling me what is happening. Is it fair? No. It isn't. I've spent countless weeks trying to figure out what you really are thinking. Of course, I have no idea what is on your mind because I am not a goddamn clairvoyant. I need to know. Or at least, tell me if you need to be alone for a while. I was thinking that this is probably the end for the two of us. For no matter how much I try to reach out to you, you always take a step backward, as if you are avoiding me intentionally. An ellipsis won't explain what you have been up to, or what you are feeling right now, or how much I felt betrayed. For years we have been built a strong connection between us, and in the end, it is also the two of us who will eventually break it. If that's what it is supposed to be, then let us leave that sanctuary without any pain and remorse. While I wait for you to utter words that I have been waiting to hear for a long time, let me tell you this: I will never give up that easily. Let us sit down, wipe the tears from our eyes and stop hurting each other. Let's talk. Kala ko dati pareho lang iba pala!! basahin para
maliwanagan naman tayo. It's definitely different when you love someone and when you're inlove with someone" explanation: alin nga ba ang mas malalim? Loving someone or Being in love with someone? marami sa atin ang na confuse tungkol dito. Ikaw ba ay may girlfriend o boyfriend ngayon? Mahal mo ba siya pero parang may isang tao na parang mahalaga din sayo. o may mahal ka na akala mo eh mahal mo nga siya pero meron ka pa rin isang tao na minamahal ng totoo. Kapag love mo ang isang tao masaya ka.. Feeling mo ok na ang lahat... pero ang ma-inlove ka, ang siyang pinakamasakit sa lahat! Kasi ang mga taong inlove ay ang mga taong ngsasakripisyo at ngpaparaya. Teka bakit ka nga ba ngpaparaya? Dahil ba hindi ka niya mahal o dahil hindi ka siguradong ok lang sa kanya? Kung yan ang dahilan mo, walang duda na inlove ka nga sa kanya. Kasi iniisip mo kung anong meron kayo sa ngayon ang tanging mahalaga at kontento ka na. Pero isipin mo paano kung mawala ang taong yon at talagang hindi na kayo mag-usap at magkita, kaya mo ba? Paano naman kung sayo siya inlove at ibinigay niya ang lahat para sayo pero hindi mo napahalagahan ang lahat ng ito kaagad! Paano kung isang araw naguluhan na siya sayo ng husto at maisipang lumayo na lang? Paano kung sa sobrang pagiging iba mo sa kanya di ka na niya kausapin at tuldukan na niya ng tuluyan kung ano na ang meron kayo? Then bigla mong na realize kung gaano ka importante sayo ang bawat isa kaya lang wala na siya! Kaya mo ba? Kung hindi ang sagot mo, malinaw na inlove ka nga... Paano naman pag mahal mo lang, kapag mahal mo lang, alam mo na palagi kang may choice, ayaw mo siyang mawala dahil alam mong wala kang ipapalit. Yung masaya ka sa kanya pero sa gabi hindi naman siya ang iniisip mo. Mahal mo siya pero aminado ka sa sarili mo na balang araw hindi siya ang pakakasalan mo. Mahal mo siya pero ang puso mo hindi lang pra sa kanya.. Mahal mo at masasaktan ka pagnawala siya pero alm mo na kaya mo yon. Ngayon anong nararamdaman mo ngayon: DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE or YOU'RE INLOVE WITH SOMEONE? Isang araw magigising ka na lang na INLOVE ka na nga pero kahit anong gawin mo ay huli na. Dahil maaaring yung taong INLOVE din sayo ay wala na pala. Tandaan mo: Masyadong mapaglaro ang puso huwag tayo magpaloko!!! We learn to love someone pero minsan lang dumating sa atin ang pagkakataong ma-inlove!!! Kaya kapag dumating ito, ano ang gagawin mo? 1. Name one person who made you laugh last night. 2. What were you doing at 0800? 3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? 4. What happened to you in 2006? 5. What was the last thing you said out loud? 6. How many beverages did you have today? 7. What color is your hairbrush? 8. What was the last thing you paid for? 9. Where were you last night? 10. What color is your front door? 11. Where do you keep your change? 12. What's the weather like today? 13. What's the best ice cream flavor? 14. What excites you? 15. Do you want to cut your hair? 16. Are you over the age of 25? Uhm? Yata, i forgot na, i stopped counting like 3 5 yrs ago ehehehe 17. Do you talk a lot? 18...... 19. Do you know anyone named Steven? 20. Do you make up your own words? 21. Are you a jealous person? 22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter A. 23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter K. 24. Who's the first person on your received call list? 25. What does the last text message you received say? 26. Do you chew on your straw? 27. Do you have curly hair? 28. Where's the next place you're going to? 29. Who's the rudest person in your life? 30. What was the last thing you ate? 31. Will you get married in the future? 32. What's the best movie you've seen in the past 2 weeks? 33. Is there anyone you like right now? 34. When was the last time you did the dishes? 35. Are you currently depressed? 36. Did you cry today? 37. Why did you answer and post this? 38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey. others, feel free to be tagged :) Read this, its so true... or maybe just for me, but who knows, right?
"Don't be bitter & full of hatred when the one you love doesn't love you the way you love her/him. Ask... listen & let go. Don’t force yourself to understand when you can't, to fight hard when obviously its over & play deaf to the nagging truth that what you had doesn't work & won't work anymore. Instead say : I had loved you more than you think i would, but i feel sorry that you've lost your chance to be loved more than you ever feel in your life after this..."
QUESTION: HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? QUESTION: WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? QUESTION: HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? QUESTION: WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? QUESTION: WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? QUESTION: WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? QUESTION: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? QUESTION: HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? QUESTION: HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? QUESTION: HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? QUESTION: WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? QUESTION: HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? QUESTION: WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? QUESTION: WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? QUESTION: WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? QUESTION: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? QUESTION: HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? QUESTION: HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? **Read and learn - - - teehee! :0)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said |